39 notes

Because Linux gets you laid.
Get up in the morning. Brush your teeth. Shave. Dress somewhat okay. Go to the balcony and triple back-flip into your Ferrari (because you earn all that money being a Linux pro, and you work out most of the time having automated majority of the tasks with your Linux magic). Go to the nearest coffee shop. Enter. All eyes are on you since you look sexy with that vim cheat sheet stretched out on your well defined pecks.
Drop your pimped out ThinkPad on the table. The barista will come to you. She tells her manager she doesn’t want you hacking their WEP secured wifi and rickrolling the whole cafe until they served you at the table. In reality, she just wants the d. Fire up your Arch (because real men live on the bleeding edge). Look at the kid by the window blocking the sun, with three empty cups next to him, waiting for his W8 to load. He knows better, he will feel the killing intent and leave immediately.
Look back at your screen. Flip through your workspaces with preconfiged terminal windows neatly tiled next to each other. Start working on your weekend project. DON’T TOUCH THE MOUSE. Women will know what’s up. They will look at your nimble fingers and you’ll notice the coffee smell gradually fade against the new wet pussy aroma. You’re done then, those 300 loc you typed will be enough for today and your coffee has just arrived. Make the last commit. pull rebase push.
Switch to the browser screen, you could use Pentadactyl but that’s not what you’re here for. Give the ClitMouse a whirl. Pretend you didn’t hear someone faint in the corner.
Wait for that chick with a frozen up macbook to approach. Take it from her hands, she’s not making any sense explaining what’s wrong anyway. Fire up the terminal and use your ninja skills to fix it in a sec. Stand up, take out your android phone. She’ll blurt out her number as if by instinct, but that’s all taken care of, last weekend you hacked together an app to activate upon registering female voice and knee trembling via accelerometer, it will use your superior speech-to-text libraries to save the number. You took out your phone to change the song to something sexy on the mpd you’d secretly installed on cafe’s computer. Give the chick a whirl. Take her back to your car. Drive into the sunset.